31Days {Proving That I Can} Encourage

I shared on social media today that I am the new columnist on Write Where it Hurts. I am so sincerely excited and nervous. As the day rolled out I was genuinely touched by all of the love and support my friends gave me. Virtual high fives, smiley faces and encouraging words were given to me. I am so deeply blessed by this space and the people who God has placed in my life. So to all of you ladies, Thank You!!

31Days {Proving That I Can} I Have No Button

I know the title of this post probably throws non-bloggers off and you're probably thinking, "What in the world does a button have to do with blogging?"

Buttons are images that have code attached to them. We assign them to a specific post, page, or site. It's a way to grab the reader's attention and bloggers love to share their buttons to support one another.

For this link up we are to create a button and post it on The Nester who started this whole "31 Days" idea some years ago. Other readers/bloggers can locate your site this way and then the information gets shared.

So obviously I had no button for Day 1 and I was trying to come up with a design today.

I shared this frustration with my friend Andi and then she shared her 31 Days with me:
31 Days of Helping Other Bloggers

Her first offer: To create a button for someone participating in this blogging frenzy. I excitedly told her the one I wanted and BAM!

So now I guess I have to go through with this whole thing...even though I think I can't.

31 Reasons Why I Can't Do 31Days

So most people in the blogging world take the month of October to write each and every day about a topic. I have been wrestling with this for the past week and my pal over at A Cookie Before Dinner gave me the best idea for my hectic life: write about why you CAN't do 31 days straight.

Now I'm probably representing some literary term for saying one thing and doing another but I can't think clearly enough to figure it out. Maybe an oxymoron? Whatever it is I'm sure someone can help a sister out.

So for the next 31 days (including today) I'm writing a very short post about why I can't do this so I can prove to myself that I CAN.

Day 1: My Macbook broke and is currently at the Apple store being worked on by those crazy experts. I pray it's fixed and my angel of a mother offered to help get it done. I'm bowing down to her in my mind. The laptop was a gift to me and I love it almost as much as my kids.

So I'm working on my husband's desktop and I'm grateful to have it.

But it's just not the same.

Boom...first day done.

Join me tomorrow for Day 2.

31 Reasons Why I Can't Do 31Days

Day 1: 31 Reasons Why I Can't Do 31 Days
Day 2: {Proving To myself That I Can} I Have No Button
Day 3: 31Days {Proving That I Can} Woes and Joys
           31Days {Proving That I Can} Write
Day 4: Movie Night
Day 5: Happy Saturday
Day 6: Writer's Worry
Day 7: When You Don't Want To
Day 8: Encourage
Day 9: Hearing God's Voice
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Day 31:

The Healing Power of True Community

Community: It heals you, it breaks you, it causes you to grow in ways you never expected.

There are many people who fit into my definition of community. My mother and sister were the first to direct my steps and teach me how to get along with others, be a friend, teacher, supporter and fighter.

All my girl cousins down in the deep south taught me how to jump rope, play hide-and-seek, shoot a live crawfish off my grandpa's two-by-four, drive a golf cart and play until I was dog tired.

I had a core group of girls I spent time with during my childhood. We had sleepovers, rode horses, attended church, swam out at the farm, put on performances in the living room and sang songs about Jesus.

I met my best friend of 20 years in homeroom class during 8th grade. This girl, this woman has carried me through my darkest days, my most glorious moments and the truly mundane of life. We can go months without seeing each other and pick up right where we left off.

I could write a whole book about Jessica's friendship.

Then there are the women I met when I became a mother. We shared our secrets about the exhaustion during the baby stages, the weariness of diaper patrol, the joy of milestones, and the life-changing moments when time just stops because your child says, "I wuv you, Momma."

For a time I quit reaching out to people. I shut the door and found the deepest hole where I could bury myself. I plugged my ears, pretended no one was there and ignored the signs that I needed those women around to hug me, love me and tell me what to do.

It wasn't my proudest moment.

Then I made the decision to admit my weakness. I shared my pain and waited for the repercussion. There were some who did not understand my choice and stayed away.

But then others entered my life and brought community to a whole new level.

Ruth has mentored me for almost a year now. She's walked me through her pain, her life lessons and bestowed upon me wisdom I never knew existed. She's tied to me in more ways than I can understand and I'm eternally grateful for her friendship.

The women I have met through opening myself up on this space has been phenomenal. The pain that has been shared, the raw emotion revealed and the camaraderie based on the fact that we're all in this together, sharing our voices is such a beautiful thing.

We moved to Ohio in May and I prayed for friendships.

 God gave me more than I ever imagined.


Rachel, Andi, Carrie, Jo Ann... these ladies have grown to be my FRIENDS. I did not know any of them three months ago.

In Jo Ann Fore's book When a Woman Finds Her Voice she talks about community and how many are silenced by the very people we trust us the most. She discusses how those who quiet us through fear and intimidation can cause anxiety in to runs so deep we dare not reach out to anyone for fear of exposing that raw pain.

She also explains how depriving ourselves of community goes against the very nature of our design. God created us to have thriving relationships with other people. Jo Ann offers some timely advice on how to begin building relationships again and getting over the loss of what was. She wants you to focus on the now.

Will you join her? Will you join me? Will you find your voice in the community God has given you?

Take the Pledge to help yourself and others heal from whatever has caused you to search for your voice  and make a difference by sharing your story.



Linking up over at Jo Ann Fore's blog where women are telling their powerful stories, standing up for truth and finding their voices.

Threadbare Mommas Welcome

When I was growing up all I wanted to do was be with my friends. We would have sleepovers, dress the same and talk the same. As I went through high school and college I lost touch with most of those girls but gained other friends that have become invaluable to me.

God wants us in community with one another. He connects us by using our children, life experiences and shared faith. When we open our lives to others and invite them into our joy and pain we are giving them permission to see us in real life, in real time, with real emotions.

This past February I was in search of Christian moms who were real, worn out and honest. I needed to know my walk as a mother was not unique enough to be singled out. I needed to know I was still loved even when I wanted to hide in the closet from my children and not come out!

I went searching online and stumbled upon (in)courage. The site held my attention as I watched the introductory video, read through blog posts, and then searched through the Community Groups. I read several descriptions about the different mom groups and stumbled upon one that had my name written all over it:

I was hesitant about joining but believed I needed this place. So I asked for an invitation and one was granted. Over the following weeks I met these ladies on the computer every day. I become familiar with their names, family situations, needs, wants, and more importantly their hearts. 

These ladies shared their very personal struggles, a genuine love for Christ and compassion for other women. There was no gossiping or making fun of other members. 

We encouraged the exhausted momma who came to us crying from the latest emotional battle with a child or spouse. 

We spoke scripture to the weary momma who felt like she had nothing left to give her family.

We stood in the gap for the broken momma who couldn't find the words to pray for herself.

We rejoiced with the happy momma when she found joy in the everyday grind of life.

And now I co-lead this group with four other amazing threadbare women.

So we gather once again this Fall to support mommas during this lifelong role. It may look differently for those who change diapers all day or have children driving themselves or who are  experiencing a partial empty nest, but being a mother connects us all.

"I joined the Threadbare Mommas group because I was in need of a safe community of believers and mommas that were just as worn and tired as I was." ~ Heidi

"It was so refreshing to come to a place where I could open my heart and know that everyone would understand, love, support and encourage me." ~Tanya

We've come a long way and are ready and waiting to meet you in this beautiful community of faith and motherhood!

Won't you join us?

One of our beautiful co-leaders Elissa also shares her reasons for joining our group and stepping out in faith to lead. Stop on over and read her story!







If you are interested in joining Threadbare Mommas please go HERE. You can also check out the other groups available over at (in)courage RIGHT HERE.


Threadbare Momma Button

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<a href="http://www.incourage.me/community" title="threadbare momma"><img src="http://i1283.photobucket.com/albums/a556/redemptiondiary/Threadbare_zps6cd63ce9.jpg" alt="threadbare momma" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

When We Give Courage

Linking up with Crystal Stine today (and yes, she is in the photo below!) to share how God opened my eyes and my heart to a whole new way of encouraging others. Go visit and read other posts about the stories behind the photos.

It's hard to believe that a little over two months ago I was not blogging. My thoughts were my own and I had no idea how life was going to change. 

I had joined an (in)Courage group in February 2013 called Threadbare Mommas where the moms were all well, threadbare. As I got to know these ladies my heart opened more and more to the power of godly friendships and I began to understand what the bigger idea of (in)courage was all about. 

For several months I had been feeling the need to start a blog. I always loved to write and had a few blogs when I was a new mom but life happened and things changed. I asked the ladies in my group for advice and Heidi mentioned Crystal's interview on How They Blog. I checked it out and immediately knew I needed to email her. 

With a nervous stomach and the house finally quiet I sat down and typed out the longest. email. ever. I told Crystal my hopes and dreams, my failures, my brokenness, my bad choices and my good choices. I explained how I always wanted to write but just didn't know if I could share all of my struggles and pain. 

I felt silly opening up to a complete stranger. There were several times I thought about erasing the email entirely and sending some nice message like, "Hey, I love your blog! I want to start one too!" Yet those masked words just wouldn't come. 

There was a healing that had begun to take place months before and this was part of my journey. 

Crystal responded with supportive words and an encouraging heart. She told me to be brave, to write where God lead me, to share my story because others needed to hear it. With some basic blogging advice and sweet wisdom Crystal gently pushed me into the next step. 

That's how this blog first began. God had it planned in my story long ago but he brought the ladies from our threadbare group and Crystal into my life at the perfect time. He knew I needed the encouragement from others before I would take the next step. 

I share the pictures above because that's how Crystal and I know each other for now. I've seen her on various web casts and have excitedly thought of when I could tell her what she did for me by responding to that email. She not only spoke to my words but to my past and future.

 Crystal,

You took the time to answer my heart, responding with love and wisdom. God brought us together in the exact moment he wanted and your words made a forever imprint on the shaky ground where I stood. From one new (in)Courager to another, thank you. 

I am now Co-leader of Threadbare Mommas along with four other fabulous ladies. We are so excited about the Fall season and praying for those women who need a safe place to vent and get refreshed from their moments in the deep trenches of motherhood. You can learn more about (in)Courage HERE.

Small

Five Minute Friday Prompt: Small

Go

As I watch all the families walk in those big doors of my church I feel left behind. I don't have the husband to hold the door, the father to help me drop everyone off, or the person to hold my hand during worship.

While I push the double stroller with my little redhead beside me I wonder why I'm doing all of this.

"Why did this happen to me? I'm not supposed to be a single mother, taking care of three children under four. Life is not supposed to be this hard."

These thoughts roll around in my head while I try to keep moving forward. My heart aches with frustration and desperation for someone to help, to care, to notice that I'm doing this alone.

I feel the weight of my responsibilities sit so heavily on my shoulders. I carry with me these three precious souls who did nothing wrong but were abandoned just like me.

We forge ahead as a family unit but I feel as though we are missing a vital piece. My pulse quickens as I see couples holding hands, whispering to each other, and making their way into the sanctuary.

I'm in God's house but I've never felt so small before. I've never experienced the pain of not feeling alive in a place so full of redemption and rebirth. *Tweet This*

Then I look up and see someone smiling at me. It's a friend from long ago. She gives me a bear hug and says how proud she is of me for walking this hard road, for loving my children so much, and for not forgetting the God who has everything under control.

We walk into worship together and soon I forget how I felt before. I feel alive and thankful to have another day with my children.

I don't feel small anymore.

Stop

*This particular moment occurred about three years ago. I'm so grateful for my life and where I am today. Memories like this make me appreciate Bryan even more.



Joining Lisa Jo Baker and other amazing ladies for Five Minute Friday. We write to share our voices. No editing, no major planning, we share what's on our hearts.



Also linking with Essential Thing Devotions and Simply Helping Him

I Have Called You Friends

Last week the kids and I spent the afternoon with Rachel Wojnarowski and her tribe.  It was a time of fellowship, reassurance, and a chance to see God moving in both our lives.

Shelby and Tarah 

I stumbled across Rachel's blog around the holiday season of 2012. I was going through a really tough season and was in search of God's word and other women who had similar hurts in their lives. Her story touched my heart and helped the broken places in my own story to begin healing.

I chose HEAL to be my word for 2013 .

Through events only God could orchestrate I discovered shortly after moving to Ohio that our families were attending the same church. I remember asking my husband, "Why in the world is Rachel Wojo tweeting about Cypress?"

I decided to send Rachel a message and we were able to meet one Sunday which lead to our family hangout session. Our preplanned two-hour visit turned into almost seven hours! The kids played the wii, brought out the sprinkler, jumped on the trampoline, and made a glorious mess.

I watched Rachel care for her daughter Taylor who has been diagnosed with MPS, a degenerative incurable disease. As she explained the illness to me I felt an ache deep inside. How do you prepare for one of your children to pass away? Her bravery amazed me.

But there was something more. Rachel is a normal woman, a tired mom, and a warrior for Jesus. She told me stories about how God gave her a ticket to Allume a few years back and how he connected her to so many vital people. I opened up about my past and how much her words helped me.

We laughed about dirty dishes, kids running wild, and the fact that most days we're just trying to care for our families.

Rachel and I quickly became friends by sharing our brokenness and the glorious redemption of Christ. We have not experienced the same life events but both of us have suffered heartbreak, loss, rejection, and grief. God used these trials to claim triumph in our lives and give each of us so much more than we could have imagined.

I see the two little girls in the picture above and know God has a divine plan for them as well. They were birthed from mothers who revel in God's grace and bravely share their stories.* Click to Tweet!

God can create community anywhere we let Him. He weaves lives together and we have the ability to look toward the future with excitement and anticipation.

Thank you Rachel for being a true disciple of Jesus and an authentic friend.

Linking up with More to Be



Linking up with Crystal Stine for Behind the Scenes

When My Day is Done

Dear Weary Mom,

After the kids go to bed another part of my day begins. This is my time to reflect on everything that went on, planned or not.

I think about how I reacted to my youngest boy having a meltdown at the pool, the way I dealt with my daughter falling off her bike, and what I said to my oldest son who needs a lot of redirection.

Then my minds drifts to my husband and how we haven't had a complete conversation since he walked through the door two hours before. I want to share my whole day with him but we're both exhausted. We tell each other highlights and then he watches TV while I work on my blog.

I read other blogs, reply to comments on recent posts, search endless tutorials for extra ways to be "better", connect on Twitter, check Facebook, and then read emails.

I do not slow down until my head hits the pillow and even then I'm planning the next day. Where are we going to play? What should I make for dinner? What chores need to be done?

Before I had children I planned everything. Now that I have three planning is more of a wish than anything.

We moms do a lot of repetitive work to keep our house moving.

 The daily grind of everyday things becomes tiring. We try to get by without adding anything else to our already filled-to-the-brim plates. The night escapes from us too quickly and we wake up to do it all over again.

We.Need.Rest.

Did you read the line above??

WE.NEED.REST.

In the book of Mark the story of Jesus feeding five thousand is miraculous. I can only imagine the excitement the apostles experienced as they handed out fish, after fish, after fish. They must have been elated to be with Jesus during those moments, probably a little nervous too. This man was doing amazing things right in front of them!

Look at Mark 6:30-32

"The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, 'Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.' So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place."

After all of the day's excitement Jesus knew he and his friends needed QUIET and REST. 

I read these words and think of how much I try to squeeze into my day instead of resting a little and then working, resting a little more and then working a little more.  Jesus knew what he needed and made it happen.

Weary mommas, let's take some time to rest, be still, and ready ourselves for what is next on the to-do list. We know our list doesn't end but we can be more prepared to serve our family and ourselves. 

Linking up today with Hope For the Weary Mom, A Royal Daughter, Christian Mommy Blogger, and Essential Thing Devotions

Behind the Scenes: My First Mom Community

In the summer of 2006 my little family moved to Gulfport, MS because of a job opportunity for my first husband. We had been through a lot the year before and saw this move as a fresh start.

My ex-husband began working 18 hour days rebuilding the casinos that were destroyed by Katrina. Gabe (my oldest) and I spent most of our time at the apartment pool and then visited with my aunt and uncle on the weekends. I loved these moments with them but felt a strong desire to meet other moms and begin some sort of playgroup.

I began attending the weekly story time at Barnes and Noble and worked up the courage to ask another mom what her name was and how she had met other moms in the area. Little did I know that beautiful Cuban woman would become my "partner in crime" (in a good way, of course!).

We then reached out to other moms at libraries, parks, and even the Chick-Fil-A play area. After 5  months we had created a group with around 15 actively participating moms. Over 3/4 of our members had moved to the Gulfport area within the past year and had little or no local family support.

We quickly became each other's family, bringing meals to our moms with new babies, scheduling several play dates a week, hosting family get-togethers, and doing fun activities with the kids.

There was also a private website where we created a safe place for the ladies in our group to communicate their frustrations and joys about motherhood, marriage, family, and whatever else we wanted to share. We even read a few books together and had some great discussions.

I spent a year-and-a-half with these women. I dedicated the majority of my time to loving them, rooting them on in the everyday happenings of life, and had found some great sisters to share my insecurities and fears with without feeling judged. And really, they supported me through more than I ever helped them.

I learned so much from each of the women in this precious group and when I look back on our time together I know God orchestrated it all. We were a group of outsiders looking for a way to fit in with a community that was trying to rebuild. And in the process our families flourished and so did our friendships.

Spring 2008 rolled around and Arianna and I were both moving our families away from the area. It was heartbreaking for us and I remember crying during our last family cookout because I knew things would never be the same. We were excited about our new adventures but knew there was a real possibility we would never see our fellow moms again.

I look back on those times and I feel incredibly blessed to have met, connected, and experienced the love from these women who just wanted to be around other moms and feel accepted. We experienced new births, miscarriages, husband job promotions, and baby milestones, TOGETHER.

One of my goals in the next five years is to be a part of a worldwide group of encouraging women who touch others' lives in ways I never dreamt of 7 years ago. This group helped me take my first step in the process and I didn't even know it.

We all have to start somewhere, right?!

 

Linking up today with Crystal Stine/Behind the Scenes and Where He Leads

My First Half-Marathon

I became a runner accidentally. Well, not really by accident but it was something I never really desired to do.

Back in 2010 I was working out regularly and enjoyed taking a spin (cycling) class along with some cardio. Then a childhood friend challenged me to participate in a 5k.

I trained for one month and ran my first race with no problem. I discovered I actually liked to run and it helped me relieve some stress of being a single mom and graduate student.

Another very close friend of mine was a runner also and I asked if she wanted to train together for the half-marathon coming up that Fall. The race had grown quite popular in our town and I felt like it was a great challenge for me.

Plus it was taking place on my 30th birthday. I wanted to celebrate a new decade of my life with something I never dreamed I would accomplish.

So Corinna and I ran together sometimes at the YMCA, we shared our weekly running accomplishments, and were both excited as the race grew closer.

Then about five weeks before the big event I hit a wall. I was overwhelmed with school work, the training schedule, and trying to be both parents to three small children.

I called Corinna and told her I didn't know if I could compete. I cried to her and explained how I was just. plain. tired. She encouraged me to take a break from running and focus on my family.

Two weeks after that phone call I decided I wanted to finish what I had started all those months ago.

Corinna met me at our local Greenway and together we ran 10 miles. This was the longest distance I had ever completed and I can tell you, it felt WONDERFUL, CATHARTIC, EXHILARATING!

I cried a little as we ran the last leg, feeling so appreciative for this amazing woman beside me. She had encouraged me, coached me, and didn't let me give up on my dream.

Race day soon arrived and Corinna and I began at the starting line together. As the flare horn went off I watched my tall, athletic friend speed ahead of me. We each decided to run our own race and meet at the end.

Two hours and thirty minutes later I entered the track where our race was ending. I came around the corner and the first people I saw were Corinna, her husband Jason, and their two children cheering wildly for me. I got so emotional I didn't think I would finish! Of course I did and was so relieved.

That evening, Corinna and I along with my best friend and their spouses, celebrated my birthday and our earlier victory (we were both happy we didn't finish last!).

Corinna has been with me through some tough trials and coached me through several. I am so appreciative of her friendship and I miss her!

This photo is a sweet reminder to me of our friendship and a time in my life when I needed to push myself to try new things. I'm lucky my friend was there every step of the way.

Q2Y: Have you had a friend push you to achieve a goal? 


Linking up with Crystal Stine today for her Tuesday feature Behind the Scenes. Check it out and read some other wonderful stories. Don't forget to leave a comment!



Also linking with Stephanie at Where He Leads!!

Late Night Wishes

I've been awake the past few nights thinking about all the things I want to share with you.  I envision this blog to be a place of comfort, peace, and tranquility during your day. I know most of us are mothers, wives, employees, employers, students, travelers, and writers.  With all the hats we wear daily, sometimes we can forget where we came from and how we got to this point in our lives. 
Please do not forget.

I grew up in a loving home with both parents present. My Dad traveled frequently and tried his hardest to be a good role model. My Mom stayed at home with us, suffered through bouts of cancer, and taught  us how to take care of ourselves.  My older sister and I are complete opposites. We've had our fair share of differences and have even taken time away from one another. I love her dearly and even though her opinion and ideas are different than mine, I am learning to accept her for who she is and let go of the expectations I have for her in how she sees me. My extended families are far away from me in means of distance but I still connect with most of my cousins. I love watching them grow up, go to college, have families of their own, and begin new careers.  Without a doubt I feel completely blessed to be a part of my husband's family. They have welcomed the children and I with completely open arms and I feel more at home in my in-laws living room than anywhere else.  Lastly, I really do not know where I would be without the friendships I have made over the years. God has taken me to places I never thought imaginable and always provided women who supported me, loved our family, and made me feel right at home. I cherish each and every friendship.  So wherever you are today in your life journey I pray you can look back and find the support systems that have shared your burdens, lifted you in times of sorrow, and celebrate your triumphs.

Linking up with Rachel Wojo for her Whimsical Wednesdays Series, Jacqueline for her Encourage One Another Series. Stop by one or all of these lovely ladies' blogs and say hello!

Introductions

Welcome to my first post! I'm beginning this blog because I have a strong desire to help support women who are dealing with trauma in their lives.

I'm here to give encouragement, a breather if you will, from the chaos that can so often hit us out of nowhere. God has redeemed the past seven years of my life and I want to share the good news with you. You may be thinking: What has this woman been through? She can't possibly understand how I feel. My life is so complicated and I feel alone.

 My friend, I have been through more than you know and I am standing tall, walking in God's grace and light. Jesus paid the price for my failures and fake attempts to prove I had everything together. Through postpartum depression, financial ruin, abandonment from my first husband, raising children on my own, and a slew of other crazy life events, I've experienced some serious lows and looked in every direction for a way out.

Yet God was with me the whole time guiding me,saving me,preparing me to share my story and to give Him the glory! A little background info: You've already gotten a small glimpse into my past but let me share with you my present. I am a wife to a pretty awesome guy who I truly believe is a miracle.
I have three children, two boys and a girl. These kids have been through it all with me and I thank God every.single.day. that they were young enough to not feel the everyday pain from the trauma.

I developed a passion for writing when I was young and am finally mustering up the courage to take the next step. I've blogged a few times before but it never felt quite right. I have a Master's Degree in Elementary Education which I earned while raising my children without a Father. Single motherhood was one of the hardest seasons in my life.

 More on that later.

 I am here to share my joys and sorrows with you. I'm offering you my mistakes and successes and the knowledge that you can make it through those days when you feel threadbare, unable to think about tomorrow, and maybe wanting to forget about the day you just had.

 God is in the business of changing our circumstances into the most beautiful testimonies. I'm so glad you've joined me on this journey of healing and renewal. Please leave a comment and let me know your needs!