Aug 16, 2013

Small

Five Minute Friday Prompt: Small



Go

As I watch all the families walk in those big doors of my church I feel left behind. I don't have the husband to hold the door, the father to help me drop everyone off, or the person to hold my hand during worship.

While I push the double stroller with my little redhead beside me I wonder why I'm doing all of this.

"Why did this happen to me? I'm not supposed to be a single mother, taking care of three children under four. Life is not supposed to be this hard."

These thoughts roll around in my head while I try to keep moving forward. My heart aches with frustration and desperation for someone to help, to care, to notice that I'm doing this alone.

I feel the weight of my responsibilities sit so heavily on my shoulders. I carry with me these three precious souls who did nothing wrong but were abandoned just like me.

We forge ahead as a family unit but I feel as though we are missing a vital piece. My pulse quickens as I see couples holding hands, whispering to each other, and making their way into the sanctuary.

I'm in God's house but I've never felt so small before. I've never experienced the pain of not feeling alive in a place so full of redemption and rebirth. *Tweet This*

Then I look up and see someone smiling at me. It's a friend from long ago. She gives me a bear hug and says how proud she is of me for walking this hard road, for loving my children so much, and for not forgetting the God who has everything under control.

We walk into worship together and soon I forget how I felt before. I feel alive and thankful to have another day with my children.

I don't feel small anymore.

Stop

*This particular moment occurred about three years ago. I'm so grateful for my life and where I am today. Memories like this make me appreciate Bryan even more.



Joining Lisa Jo Baker and other amazing ladies for Five Minute Friday. We write to share our voices. No editing, no major planning, we share what's on our hearts.

Five Minute Friday

Also linking with Essential Thing Devotions and Simply Helping Him

52 comments:

  1. girl! I have been there. And it isn't easy. And often times the pain outweighs any good. But you are teaching your children to carry on and to take it to the Lord! Church is hard as a single woman. But you have won half the battle---you are still going. I will keep you in my prayers! <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. Friend...God is using you and your words in this community. Someday I'd like to connect you with my best friend...she's walking the road you just described, and I think you could be such an encouragement to her. I'll send her to your blog for sure. :) Thank you for your raw honesty in your posts...it just makes His picture of redemption in your life so much more beautiful. Hugs and happy Friday, friend! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. 'I'm in God's house but I've never felt so small before.' uffda. Is that ever a line. I am just meeting you (this is @anna_r from the #fmfparty), but I'll be back to see your story unfold.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Someday, I will hug you in person! You are so brave, and so strong, dear friend. Sometimes church is the place I feel the smallest, and I'm so glad you felt the love of your friend. You have such powerful words, and I can't wait to see where God is going to take you!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I remember those small feelings during the deployment. I know it's not at all the same, but similar. So thankful for God's healing for you and your littles, for the man He brought into your life, and for the peace and love He has given to you in friendships! You are such a sweet woman, Sarah, and I am so thankful to know you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Not single anymore :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. It was hard Casey. Thankfully I am no longer in that position, as my hubby points out in the comment below :) I pray for single moms so often and that their hearts will be healed from the pain and trauma that I know they experience. Thank you for coming back to read. I value your insight.

    ReplyDelete
  8. OOPS! sorry :) I regret that my kids had to endure that, but I always pray that it helps them see what is healthy and is not before they commit to someone with marriage in mind. Hugs and happy FMF!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love this story! Feelings that stir - no matter how big or small. I tweeted your amazing quote. Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
  10. You are completely right Casey. I do not want my children focusing on the past but I do want them to have a healthy perspective of what can happen when we let emotions take over and we don't listen to that still small voice.
    Happy FMF to you too!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Great story of a difficult road that you've been on. Thank you for sharing it today.

    "Your beginning will seem so small, since your future will fourish." Job 8:7

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you for that beautiful verse!


    And thanks for the laugh tonight during #fmfparty. You will always be my logging friend!!


    xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh Mel, my heart was beating so fast as I typed this out. I pray for other mothers who are hurting and trying to keep their families together. Thank you for the encouragement, so very glad we are #blogsisters!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anna, the truth is usually the most eye opening. Thank you so much for reading and I'm glad we met tonight!

    ReplyDelete
  15. You got that right Marcy, we will meet in person one day! Thank you, thank you, thank you for the compliments. Sharing this is so hard but so freeing. Love you sweet friend!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thank you Vanessa. Just when I think I have nothing to say FMF comes around and I'm like a gushing pipe that's busted open. Thanks for reading!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks so much Alene!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. So thankful that you don't feel small now and that God has brought that you someone to share life with. Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Your bravery as you walked through this valley and now as you write about it is not only going to be lessons for your kids but also lessons for us/the church. To teach us to look at others with the eyes of God so that no one is made to feel small. Thank you for so honestly sharing with us.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Sarah, my heart aches for you. I wish I could give you a hug. You are amazing. Have a blessed weekend. Tara.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Never a single mom but a frequent solo church attender with four kids. There truly is no better way to explain it other than a feeling of smallness in such a "big" facility. It is a building of worship and I know that God who is so much BIGGER is moving us to be closer to him. Way to be brave and do it alone when it was so hard friend!

    ReplyDelete
  22. You don't need me to say it again, but I have walked this road. Love that God put that friend right where you needed her!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Dear Sarah
    I walk with you dear one, even just in my heart for I know you are not walking an easy road. Your dependance on our Pappa bring hope and joy to mu heart.
    Love to you XX
    Mia

    ReplyDelete
  24. Thank you Mia. The road is long but full of miracles and grace. Thank you for visiting!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Me too Kim, God knows our needs and how important community is even when we think we are invisible right in its midst.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Bravery came with putting one foot in front of the other and often just pushing through the moment. I have such reservations about sharing all of these moments that string my past together but I know it's on my heart to share with others and give those single moms a voice. Thank you for reading!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Tara, a hug is sometimes the best medicine for a breaking heart. Thank you for reading! And please do not ache for me now, God has done so much. I share to show His love and how we've gone through tremendous circumstances...and survived!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Amy, my heart was racing as I typed this out. I don't fit the regular old mold of a Christian mom (in my eyes I don't), but I fit perfectly into the hearts God so badly wants to heal and redeem. This is just one part of that journey. Thank you for reading!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Me too Barbie!!! Thank you for stopping by!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Your strength is inspiring. Thank you for sharing what must have been a difficult story. I hope you find comfort and strength knowing that sharing your struggles could very well save the life of another woman in need. Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
  31. That's why I do this Andrea, so those women who are battling it out everyday can know they are not alone. Thank you for your words and for reading today!

    ReplyDelete
  32. This is such a powerful post! Thank you for being transparent and encouraging. It's so lovely that you went to church regardless of your circumstances and God used your friend to encourage you right where you were. God bless you and those beautiful little children you have:).

    ReplyDelete
  33. Thank you for those words Sarah. They so ring true in my very own heart in this season. It is always a blessing to have the reminder that you are not the only one who has walked something and that your feelings have been felt by others as well.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Thank you for sharing the hurt and pain you experienced, and I'm so happy God redeemed that for you with Bryan. This is such a great reminder that there are so many people hurting within the church walls. Thank you for being so transparent so that others don't feel alone in their pain!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Holly Solomon BarrettAugust 16, 2013 at 11:54 AM

    Oh, Sarah, I have so been there. With a five-year old and seven-year old in tow. How wonderful that we both found grace and mercy in a church family!

    ReplyDelete
  36. The lessons from your time in the valley are so important - and I admire the honesty with which you write. You will be able to reach, touch, and bless so many - having walked there before them. It's a blessing to read that you have been redeemed in so many ways, and that you have found love again. Your strength and beauty shine through.
    So glad we got to connect at the FMFParty! Shine on, friend!

    ReplyDelete
  37. wow! beautiful post. and yes sometimes there are things that we don't expect in our life but they happen anyway and God will carry us through them.

    Jessica

    http://mybeautifulli.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  38. Thank you for visiting Jessica. There is always a plan in motion even if we are unaware!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Thank you Rebekah!! So glad we met too!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Yes Holly, we are blessed. So glad that we have met and can encourage one another!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Eva, our world is filled with so much hurt and then there is the One who can heal it all. Thank you for reading!

    ReplyDelete
  42. You have been on my mind this week Kimberly. I am praying God meets you right where you are and feels you peace and comfort. Please email me if you'd like to talk!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Thank you Jennifer. Sometimes I didn't want to go of the reasons above. There was a time when I turned away. But even then God was working in my heart. Thank you for reading!!

    ReplyDelete
  44. Jen @ Raising Nats FansAugust 17, 2013 at 1:05 AM

    lovely post. Just lovely. I am walking that path - the single mama path. Gives me hope to see your journey.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Beautiful post! And I adore those times at church when we rally around those who need family... love that you have painted the picture so well I can see it and feel it. Can't want till Sunday! And next Friday, of course!
    -Heather

    ReplyDelete
  46. Sarah, I was so moved to read this post. It's such an important reminder to understand the emphasis we place on couples and families in churches and how we can make single parents feel excluded and like they don't fit in.


    I pray that we all become better at supporting, befriending, welcoming and loving those in our churches who are in this hard position.


    Thanks for sharing at Essential Fridays.
    Blessings,
    Mel from Essential Thing Devotions

    ReplyDelete
  47. Thank you so much Sarah :) I will do that.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Thank you so much Mel. It is very easy for people to slip by others unnoticed when they don't fit the "norm." Thanks so much for stopping by to read, I appreciate your comments!

    ReplyDelete
  49. Thank you so much Heather, I'm so glad you visited. Our personal stories can be so powerful if we let them. Thank you for visiting!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Jen, please feel free to email me if you'd like to talk. So glad you came by to read!

    ReplyDelete
  51. What a beautiful post. You write with a rare mix of strength and vulnerability. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Thank you for the compliment Erin, I am taken aback by your words. So glad you came to read today!

    ReplyDelete