How could that really happen? I didn't understand then and I'm not sure I fully understand now. But I have been through enough to know God is here, He is real and He does speak to me.
I equate God's voice with the knot I get in my stomach when I need to make a decision. You know the feeling? I begin to feel my heart beat faster and my brain starts firing off several different thoughts but one is most important: what is the right thing to do?
Over the past year I have allowed myself to hear God in a deeper way because I've invited him into my life. I try each day to surrender the insecurities, preconceived notions and ideas I held so tightly without good cause. My heart had been trained to fear the worst and secretly hope for the best.
Once I dropped the mask and allowed God to work in my heart, the essence of me, the transformation process began.
I started understanding what people were saying to me about the healing process of trauma. My personal life changed dramatically when my family moved and I could see God's hand in the everyday things.
Who we met, where we attended church, and the events over time seemed to be His doing and all I could do was say, Thank You.
I'm a slow learner when it comes to certain aspects of life and I truly believed I could fix it all. In my mind I felt like I could and should repair relationships, close old wounds, live out others' expectations of me and do it with a beautiful smile on my face.
After trying this for almost a decade of my adult life I ended up spending a week in the hospital.
Broken, exhausted, empty.
As I began putting the pieces of my life back together I took one step at a time,breaking the old habits and forming new ones. This has not been an easy task and many days I want to crawl in bed and give up the fight. Mothering is hard, being a wife is work and pushing through the spiritual battles can be daunting.
Then I am reminded by the One who gave it all to me:
"As you learn to recognize my voice, you will uncover yours-a voice directly tied to your identity and purpose, to my plans for you."
And now I am here in this space bleeding out on these virtual pages for Him, for you, for others to see the transparency and not feel so alone.
My heart message to you is that we are all in this together.
There will be pain but beauty can shine through.
There will be sadness but joy comes new every morning.
There will be brokenness but redemption is not far behind.
I pray for you wherever you are today and hope that in your trial or triumph you hear His voice speaking love and grace.
Linking up today with Jo Ann Fore and the other beautiful ladies from our book launch team to support the upcoming release of When a Woman Finds Her Voice.
"In When A Woman Finds Her Voice, author Jo Ann Fore engages your heart and mind as one who knows your fears and frustrations. As a certified life coach, she unpacks a message of hope and freedom with a gentle boldness that can only come from one who has walked the journey."
You can use you voice and sign The Pledge Here