Sep 18, 2013

The Heavy Price of Changing for Others



I watched from under the tree as the older girls ran onto the playground. They were talking and giggling and my stomach turned in knots as I listened to what they were saying. I heard one girl yell my name and then they all laughed loudly.

They began saying things about me, making fun and using words that made my skin crawl. I was in 5th grade and can still remember the tone in their voices: condescending, manipulative and just mean.

I wanted to so badly to fit in. I felt like I was the only one being made fun of even though I know now that wasn't true. In the mind of a young girl when you get picked on it feels like the world is crumbling around you.

Throughout my life I've thought of that moment and it always brings about sadness. I know I was awkward and obnoxious (what preteen isn't?) but the memories that play out in my mind are ones I hope my daughter never experiences.


After that I learned what to do and say so I fit in. The ritual of putting on different masks with different people began. My heart hurt from the words I spoke sometimes and this went on throughout most of my life. As I grew up I became more aware of people's feelings and how words can take a toll on a person's soul.

In Jo Ann Fore's book When a Woman Finds Her Voice  she addresses the masks we where and how it makes us able to fit in more with those around us who cause pain and fear.  She talks about her own abuse and why she began keeping secrets and hiding from those who seemed to have it all together.

The fear of not fitting in can become so overpowering that we will morph into someone else so we don't reveal our scars.

As Jo Ann moves us through the first powerful chapter she discusses how we can respect the past, the things we experienced and begin to heal so our true selves can come forward.

I understand how hard it is to free life's hurts, to feel such pain, and then have someone encourage you to move beyond it...If you promise you won't ignore the pain, I promise you I won't ask you to dismiss it.
~Jo Ann Fore
This powerful declaration rang true for me. I had held onto that one playground scene for so long that I let other experiences pile on top until I had a bunch of mess I couldn't even recognize.

So now I begin to heal from past wounds, dark places that have frightened me. I try each day to take off a layer of protection and show the world who I really am.

It is difficult and painful, the refining process always is.

Yet now I understand the end result so I keep moving forward with hope that I care less about what others think and more about who I'm designed to be.

Authenticity makes all the difference.



Linking up over at Jo Ann Fore's today to share with other women how the masks we wear over the years hinder us from showing our real authentic self. Won't you join us?

Jo Ann Fore

20 comments:

  1. I just want to hug your fifth grader heart and tell her how very loved she is. Encourage her to stay true to herself in spite of any caustic words that try to undermine. You are beautiful. And I'm so very thankful that beauty has surfaced for the world to see.

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  2. Beautiful! What a picture of God's grace you are.

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  3. Thank you for being bold and vulnerable, Sarah, and sharing your voice with us! I am sure our Father is smiling as His masterpiece is emerging from behind the mask. ;) <3

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  4. A pile of hurtful memories puts things into perspective. I can't ignore my past but I don't have to live IN those memories. Working through them is hard but necessary.

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  5. This touched a tender place in my heart. So many of us have gone through and have been 'shaped' by this hurtful experience. Thank God for finding our voices and learning to be brave!
    Bless you !!

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  6. Thank you Leigh!

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  7. Thank you so much Deborah. Stepping out is always scary.

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  8. I agree Andi, the work is hard and essential to grow and mature and to be whole again.

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  9. Thank you Michelle!!

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  10. Dear Sarah,
    Thank you for sharing so deeply from your heart. I am blessed by your honesty and sharing. It is so encouraging to help me be brave also and be genuine.
    Thank you.
    Susan

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  11. "The ritual of putting on different masks with different people began." Ah, yes. I can totally relate. Such a beautiful story of when you first started wearing your masks. Beautiful. :-)

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  12. "I wanted to so badly to fit in. I felt like I was the only one being made fun of even though I know now that wasn't true. In the mind of a young girl when you get picked on it feels like the world is crumbling around you." Why is it that when others are talking and we feel outside of it, we feel like they are talking about us? Lovely story Sarah.

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  13. Sarah, I cannot tell you how your post connected with me. I was the 'too' tall skinny girl who was always getting made fun of - EVERY single grade. Sometimes my husband & will talk about school and my heart goes right back there and I relive the pain again. He tells me how nice this person or that one was and I in turn remember their jaunting stabs and mean laughter. He never saw that side of them though. Yes - we are all a 'process' - of change... IF we surrender and allow God to do that great work in us that He started from the beginning. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. <3 ~ Bobbi

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  14. Thank you Tina!!

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  15. It's so easy to believe we are the only ones when we don't know what others go through. Thank you for sharing Tina.

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  16. Oh Bobbi, I was picked on for my appearance too and it hurt so much. Thank you for sharing your story right here with mine. I'm privileged to be on this journey with you.

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  17. What a powerful share Sarah, and yes I remember those cruel school days as well. I learned some harsh lessons there, and some valuable survival skills. Skills and lessons for a young girl that carried too far forward into adulthood. Thanks for being so open and sharing! Bless you.

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  18. Bobbi - your words resonated with me. The shame of being different was hard enough without being reminded of it daily at school. Oh how I hated it. Thanks for sharing bless you!

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  19. I was suddenly me on the playground all those years ago. It's eye opening to know that the little girl inside of us is so in need of us to love ourselves. To validate her. I feel we don't know how to do that. So we do what we can to feel loved and accepted. Thank God that He is relentless with His love. Great post.

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  20. Such heartfelt words my friend. Yes, we don't know how to always care for those wounded places. Thank you for sharing!

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