I sit in the half-empty pew and listen to the words. They resonate with me on so many levels but I can't bring myself to sing. I'm afraid they are not true for me. The past is too raw and my heart is cut soul-deep.
The choir sings and my tears flow so easily. Their voices sound angelic and I wish I could join in with passion and feeling but I have none to share. Suddenly I think about when each of my children were born and my mind begins to match my sadness with joyous memories.
The last push when my first son was born.
The moment my daughter was laid on my chest and I kissed her sweet nose.
How my youngest baby boy entered the world through natural childbirth in the comfort of my own home.
These moments make the pain of right now seem insignificant. I see their faces dance in my thoughts and as the choir reaches my favorite part I somehow find the strength to sing.
"I once was lost, but now I'm found; was blind, but now I see."
The promise of Amazing Grace along with the sweet blessings in my children cause me to worship once more when I don't understand what's happening around me. I cannot comprehend what my future will be like or if I'm equipped to raise these precious babies on my own.
Only He knows and so I choose to worship the God who sees me.
*Another moment in time from about 3 years ago. These prompts have a way of pulling out the beautiful mess of my life and showing me the gems in each moment.
Joining Lisa-Jo Baker and other bloggers to write for five minutes without any major editing or refining. The point is to write what's on your heart and share!