Go
It's amazing how one little word can take me back to a memory so painful, so deep, and yet so misunderstood that I can't think about anything else.
I took my three children to the Nashville zoo on a beautiful Sunday afternoon in 2010. I was single mom then and doing anything successfully with a 13 month old, 2.5 year old, and 5 year old was a great accomplishment for me.
As I pushed the double stroller filled with sippy cups, diapers, wet wipes, Gerber puffs, fruit, and of course my kids, I noticed something.
There were so many FAMILIES all around us. Men and women with small children and big children. Holding hands, laughing, showing one another the animals, and just enjoying their time together. Grandparents with grandkids buying ice cream and stuffed animals, people gathering on the grassy hill to picnic, and kids playing chase around the laid-out blankets.
My mind began to race as I felt inadequate to care for these children in front of me. We weren't there with anyone but ourselves. Jonah (my youngest) began to cry, then Shelby (my middle) started kicking the foot her seat, and Gabe (my oldest) let go of the stroller and threw a full-on, ugly cry temper tantrum.
I was able to calm them all down and we went home shortly after this.
Looking back, I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I wasn't a wife, our family wasn't complete, and my children were missing an integral part of their childhood: their father.
Now I view that day as a life lesson.
Instead of feeling outside the box, I know I was smack dab in the middle.
I belonged with my children and I was right where God wanted me.
Stop
Linking up with Lisa Jo Baker and Simply Helping Him
I hear you! As a mother, I grapple with feeling inadequate and insecure and not enough...like I don't fit in the mom club! Great post and so thankful to meet you here today!
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading today Lori! Motherhood is such a huge job and there are so many of us! Glad to know I'm not alone in my feelings. Happy Friday, friend!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful words and beautiful kids!! I have been a single mom since my kids were 5 and 7 (they are in their 20's now...wow time flies!). It is just hard some days. But you are right that you belong with your kids and God will fill in the rest of the gaps.
ReplyDeleteThank you Holly! Being a single mom was the most challenging time in my life. I feel stronger to have experienced it and am grateful God was there with me through it all. Happy Friday!
ReplyDeleteprecious post.
ReplyDeleteThank you Denise!!
DeleteI understand what you are saying but mine is as the child of a single mom - and when I discovered He wanted me to belong to Him - it changed everything:) Then it didn't matter if I didn't belong on the outside:) On the inside - I always belong! BTW - we live near Nashville!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you commented here. It was very difficult for my children to understand why their Dad left. Now that I'm remarried the rejection doesn't hurt as much but you are right, as long as we belong to Him nothing else matters.
DeleteI lived in Murfreesboro for 23 years until we moved to OH at the end of May!
You have beautiful children Sarah! I have not been a single mom, so I can only imagine what life must have been like for you in that season. I do know, however, what it is like to a meltdown right before my eyes as 1 or 2 or 3 of my children 'lose it' in public.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this FMF exercise today. Makes me remember, I do belong.
Most mom experiences can be covered across the board Linda. Thank you so much for stopping by today! I enjoyed the exercise too :)
DeleteI remember the season of life when I was also a single mom and had that same feeling of being on the outside looking in at all the things that seemed complete compared to where I was. My heart can feel what you are sharing from that zoo day! I'm so glad to see you found a new way to see your situation and found that the completeness only comes from Christ, and that you DO belong and ARE a family as long as you and your kids are together. I'm glad to know you've found a great man to be married to - I have as well. It's a blessing for sure! To us and to our kiddos! Have a blessed weekend!
ReplyDeleteOh sister, it's so hard being a single mom. Comparisons come easily and we see ourselves as not enough to be both parents, to not have the ability to do it all. Thank you for sharing your heart here today. I'm glad you stopped by!
DeleteI'm visiting late, but I'm here. Beautiful writing, Sarah! I know this feeling - while not the same, when my husband was deployed (before we had kids), I would see other couples and families and feel like I didn't belong. I wasn't whole. Now with kids, whenever he's gone for training I feel the same way whenever I see other families. When he deploys again soon, it will be incredibly tough to look around and see the families, and I pray for how my son -- who is incredibly aware and perceptive these days -- will handle seeing other kids with their daddies when his is on the other side of the world.
ReplyDeleteLove ya Sarah!!!
Thanks so much for sharing Vanessa. I can only imagine how that must feel for you, knowing he's leaving and preparing not only your heart but your son's as well. It's hard when we don't fit into that perfect family picture. I will be praying for the transitions you will soon face.
ReplyDeleteBTW: I am so happy to have met you. You are an amazing friend and I'm blessed we crossed paths!